People's experiences of domestic violence can often follow a pattern known as the Cycle of Violence. However not everyone's experiences are the same. Sometimes a 'phase' does not occur, or two or more 'phases’ can occur simultaneously.

The build up phase is when tension begins to build. In a non-violent relationship, these tensions can often be resolved. In a domestic violence situation, this build up phase usually leads to a stand-over phase, where the violent partner uses both their strength and their belief in their 'right' to dominate, in order to control and put down their partner. This then leads to the explosion phase when the violence (physical/sexual/emotional) occurs.

Afterwards the perpetrator can enter the remorse phase where they feel ashamed of what has happened, or they may be afraid of the consequences. They may also try to justify or minimise their actions by claiming that "she made me do it", or "it was only a little slap". This can then lead to the pursuit phase where the abusive partner can try to win back their partner with gifts and promises. Or they can act helpless, saying such things as "I can't live without you", or "I'll kill myself". If these tactics do not work, they can also revert to the use of more threats and violence.

This then leads to the honeymoon phase where the relationship appears to be working- the 'incident' is forgotten and no abuse is taking place. However nothing is resolved and it is only a matter of time till it progresses to a build up of tension, which leads to another stand over and explosion of violence and so on.